Fears
by PrettyMistakes
Summary: Donatello builts a new machine: A machine that can show everyone in the same room your worst fears. When Raphael is the first one to test the machine, things takes a turn towards the darker. Rated T for angsty subjects and violence.


So this one is a little different compared to what I usually write. It does has its dark moments, but I hope you will like it anyway. :)

* * *

Fears

It was his turn again. Leonardo was standing over the sink, trying to wash the dishes. He hated doing this, but he never told the others. After all he was the one that had to set an example. Michelangelo was sitting at the small table in the kitchen, playing on an old Gameboy.

"Come on! Please? I really need you to do it!" Donatello's voice rang through the lair. Clearly he was more excited than ever. Leonardo turned his head to look after the turtle in purple, who was chasing someone in the living room. He looked at Michelangelo, who sent him a puzzled look. The leader put the plate, he was currently holding, back in the sink and they both peaked into the living room.

"Look, Don, find someone else to do it. I already told you that I don't want to," Raphael said as he sat down on the couch, putting his feet on the coffee table.

"But you would be the perfect experiment!"

"Sometimes you're _way_ into your machines, geek," Raphael responded. He shook his head and turned on the TV, but Donatello grabbed the remote from his hands and turned it off again.

"Raph! You have to do it! Please?"

"What is going on, guys?" Leonardo asked as he and his youngest brother entered the living room. Donatello looked at the blue clad turtle. His eyes beamed with excitement.

"I built a new machine, Leo! And I want Raph to test it!

"... Which he currently hasn't understood, that I don't want to," Raphael muttered.

"What kind of machine is it?" Michelangelo asked.

"Well," Donatello began. "The test person gets electrodes put on. One on each temple. Then they will fall asleep, and the rest of us can watch everything that they dream on a TV screen."

"Why do I think, that this sounds familiar?" Leonardo asked, crossing his arms.

"But it's not just regular dreams, Leo! The TV screen will show the test persons worst fears as they dream it. It's... It's amazing!"

"If you think it's so amazing, then why don't you test it?" Raphael asked sourly.

"Because I built it, smartass," Donatello said as he turned to look at Raphael. "And I need to make sure that everything goes fine."

"What is the point of showing others your worst fears? I mean, really?" Raphael said sarcastically.

"If we know each other's fears, we can work better as a team," Donatello responded. "Simple as that."

"C'mon, Raph! You have to do it!" Michelangelo said, getting evenly as excited as Donatello.

"Are you kidding me? Now you?!" Raphael was starting to get annoyed.

"You aren't scared now, are you?"

"Scared? Me? Mikey, are you forgetting who you're talking to?" Raphael asked, leaning back in the couch.

"Okay, guys, that's enough," Leonardo interrupted them. "Look, Raph, this means something to Donnie. And we do need to improve our way of working together as a team. If the machine really does work, then the rest of us can take turns and go through the same experience. You just have to be the one to do it first. How does that sound?"

"But... I don't want to!" Michelangelo began.

"Either we all do it or none of us do it," Leonardo concluded, sending Michelangelo a look.

Raphael sighed.

"Ugh! Fine! I'll go first."

* * *

Raphael laid himself down on the bed. Donatello stood beside him with the electrodes in his hands, while Michelangelo and Leonardo sat down in chairs next to the bed, watching them.

"Now, Raph, remember. You'll fall asleep very quickly after I put these on. So do you have any questions?"

"No, Don. Just get it over with," Raphael answered.

"Okay, fine. Just relax." Donatello put the electrodes on the test turtle's temples and turned on the TV screen. Raphael's eyelids quickly felt heavy and within a few seconds, his eyes shut.

* * *

 _Raphael's Point Of View_

My head hurts. The pain worsens as I slowly open my eyes. I can taste blood. The lights are bright in here. I try to move my arms and my legs. I then realize that I have been strapped onto a surgery table. I hear the sound of a door opening.

"He's awake!"

I see his eyes glaring evilly at me, even from that distance. When he gets closer, he punches me, leaving two deep scars on my cheek.

"Freak!" He spits me in the face.

"What do you want, Shredder?" I ask him hoarsely.

"Revenge!" he laughs. A foot soldier enters with a tray filled with knives, tape, pills and one green, poisoning-looking bottle.

"No!" I scream, struggling to get free. Shredder pulls his hand around my throat, as he forces a pill into my mouth. He pulls the tape over my mouth, forcing me to swallow whatever he has just given me. As everything starts to fade away, he pulls a knife from the tray and looks at me, holding it up in front of my face before I pass out.

"This is going to hurt… _Raphael!_ "

* * *

It feels like I'm a child again. Mikey is calling me names. He wants me to run after him. My fists almost shake; the muscles in my arms tighten. My vision is as clouded as my mind, as I throw a punch in his face. He falls backwards into the coffee table.

"Raph! What are you doing?!" Leonardo yells at me, throwing down the book, he had just been reading. He pushes me back, away from our baby brother, who starts crying in pain.

"He asked for it!" I yell back at him.

"He didn't!" Donatello replies, kneeling on the ground where he's having a look at Michelangelo's face. "You're just being a hot-tempered _idiot!_ "

"My sons, what is this?" Splinter enters the living room. The frown in his forehead starts to show, as he realizes what has just happened.

"Raphael punched Mikey!" Leonardo says.

 _I hate you, Leo. Right now at least, I really do_ , I think to myself. Splinter pulls me by my small arm, dragging me to my room.

"You shall stay in your room for the rest of the afternoon!"

"I'm…" I begin, but I stop when I see the look in my father's eyes.

"I'm really disappointed in you, Raphael."

Then he shuts the door, leaving me in complete darkness.

* * *

Another fight with Leo is sliding through my mind. I'm on a rooftop, trying to clear my head. I'm looking over the city, pondering why I started that stupid argument in the first place.

 _Why am I always such an idiot towards him?_

Someone hits me in the back of my head. They are many. They throw me up against a wall, robbing me of my sais. I kick one of them and hit another one in the face. I need my brothers.

 _Why am I always alone in this?_

I punch, I kick, and I dodge their fists. But they throw themselves at me, holding me down, as they take turns on punching me.

 _I can't protect my family._

They drag me down the stairs. I hit my head. I feel weak.

 _I can't do anything right._

As they throw me through the glass only one thought enters my mind, before I get plunged into unconsciousness:

 _I am a failure._

* * *

I run through a hallway towards the door at the end. As I get there I throw my fists against its surface, trying to get the person behind it to open up.

"Ninjara!" I scream. "Open the door!"

My hand grabs the doorknob, as I try to push the door open. I keep hitting my hand against the door, until it finally opens.

She's standing there, looking at me.

"Raphael," she says, her voice so soothing it calms me completely. I stand there, panting, as I feel my pulse slow down. She takes my hand and pulls me into a gentle hug.

"It's okay. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

 _End of Raphael's Point Of View_

* * *

Raphael blinked a few times. He sat up on the bed. Everything was still the same. He glanced quickly as his brothers who were starring at the TV screen that had turned black.

"Wow," Michelangelo said stunned. "That… That was… intense."

"I'm proud of you, Raph," Leonardo complemented him, as he gently padded him on the arm. "Don, I can go next, if you would like me to."

"Don't do it," Raphael said darkly.

"But… why not?" Leonardo asked, frowning at him.

"Donnie, your machine doesn't work," Raphael responded, looking at the purple banded turtle.

"Raph, come on. We _have_ confirmed that it works now," Donatello replied, as he wrapped an arm around his older brother. "We saw the entire thing on the screen. And it's okay to admit that you have fears."

Raphael shook his head.

"All the things that you saw… Those weren't fears. Those were memories."


End file.
